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What we fight against, even what we merely acknowledge as a fight, strengthens. We give our energy to the struggle, not the healing. This is why my struggle against chronic pain has been, at times, exhausting. Physically, mentally, emotionally exhausting: to the point of distraction, uselessness, and depression. Perhaps you know this feeling, too.
In a rare moment of clear-headedness during a stubborn flare of osteoarthritis, I one day decided to experiment with a different method of pain management: surrender. Instead of coddling my inflamed joint with pills and physio, ice and rest, etc. etc., I chose to take action from within. The question in my mind: what if I were to accept this pain, release the fight, and simply observe? What would happen? I can tell you the experiment paid off.
There are different techniques I’ve run across for this: give the pain a colour, name the pain, hand the pain over (to the universe, to God). I have tried all of these and can say without hesitation: they do work. The image of swimming through pain as a cloud of colour was particularly effective for me, wild swimmer that I am. It’s important to note that this is private work: find a method that works for you. And know that some techniques will work better than others at different times. One has to be patient and flexible in approach, be in the present moment of pain (as opposed to yesterday’s pain). Through each method I have observed the following:
When I focus solely on the hurt, pain becomes FACT: unavoidable and constant.
When I shift my focus to observation, pain becomes something with variance: something not constant.
Moreover, pain becomes something I can explore.
I don’t know about you, but I live for an adventure. I love to explore: a new city, a forest, a fell, a tarn, the inner self, and life in general. Putting my pain in the category of EXPLORATION shifted an experience of misery to one of curious adventure. After all, I’ve chosen to hike in the midst of chronic pain because the joy of exploring a mountain pass outranked whatever pain I might feel during or after the activity. What would I lose in a journey through the mind?
Physical sensation is a product of focus.
Yes.
I know, it seems impossible. When one is desperate, the impossible becomes one more option to try. So, one day I decided to experiment with a mediation technique to test this theory. Having an open and curious mind is key to healing!
How it works: focus momentarily on the area of pain. Be with it, observe its qualities. Is it acute, or throbbing, or burning? Then, consciously turn attention to a part of the body that is not in pain. For widespread pain across the body, it might take a moment to settle on some place self: is it my other hip? My left thumb? The roof of my mouth? I find that place and rest in the comfort. After a few breaths, I move back to the area of pain. I feel it, stay with it, observe it. Then, I move back to a place of non-pain. As I repeat this process, the pain is still pain. But the constancy of pain has been proven, ever so slightly, as an illusion. My focus has created space, has created freedom (however brief) from unrelenting discomfort. Pain as fact is less stable. And I have the remarkable ability to create and change that reality.
This is a glimmer of inner power, a sapling pushing through the earth to the light which feeds it. As I cultivate a practice of intentional focus away from pain and towards gratitude for non-pain and joy in the truth of my creative influence over my condition, the experiences I want to have in life increase. I focus on the comfort I have (however little that may be in the moment) and repeatedly prove to myself that I am in comfort. I am learning to no longer fight and resist that which pains me in order to be rid of it. Rather, I am beginning to soften into it. I surrender. I come with curiosity to understand it, dissect it, reveal to myself its impermanence. Through this process, I receive that which I desire: a calming of the pain. It takes time; I have needed patience and trust in this process. And now, what was once unbearable becomes something I can manage.
Surrender is just one technique I’ve learned for coping with chronic pain. Over the past fifteen years of living with chronic illness and disability, I’ve come up with a trusted tool kit and survival guide. Stick with me to find out more.
